After she told me that she had started dating someone (adding that is was extremely recent, this being after she had ignored me almost 2 weeks), I told her that I had been interested in her, and was interested in dating her (which I admit, I told her I was interested in her the first time we went out), and that I would be here if she decided she wanted something, she says she still wants to be friends. That I'm an awesome, great person, and she'd love to still be friends.
Should I have told her more sooner? I wanted to. Personally. Not via text or voicemail, but she wouldn't respond to calls or texts to do anything.
Can we still be friends?
Yes and no.
When I think of her with someone else I'm depressed. So depressed that I'm ripped apart. And I have NEVER felt like this regarding a girl before when it comes to a guy. I used to think that indifference was a true sign of caring (because it shows there's no jealousy), that she'd come around.
But I'm still full of hope that this (new dating) is so new with her, still so new that it's testing the waters to see if something is there, but knowing her past relationship was 6 years, I'm scared (even though I don't know how or why it ended). And then I think, well, what about when we started talking and "dating." Did she consider us "dating" until she realized there was no spark (on her end)? I considered us talking, not dating, because there was no intimacy—at all. Smiles and talk, a hug when greeting and leaving. That's it. When sitting together her hands were clasped in her lap, her body language was closed. I thought this was because she was still dealing with issues regarding her ex (being the lady that she is), and couldn't open herself until she was totally free. And this is why I gave her space. Why I didn't try to crowd her. But maybe I gave too much.
I WILL continue on in the same manner as before with her, because I'm still hopeful that things won't work out and she will remember me and want to try to have something. Boy, that sounds cruel. But what else do I have left?
Does this make us friends? Probably not. It's probably her way of smoothing things out, either for her own transition or my own (even if I think she does truly want to remain friends). I have not known her to be dishonest. If she says something, I will believe her. Perhaps I'm naive. Why do I say this? Because she stopped answering texts. Because she stopped calling me, or answering the phone. Because she distanced herself. But because she wants to still be friends, will anything change?
Because it's obviously easy enough for her because she doesn't have the emotion I have, which makes it hard for me.
I have to remind myself that she just got out of a 6 YEAR RELATIONSHIP. That HAS to be hard. She's certainly stronger than I. I cannot fathom how hard that is. I would be dead.
You're so strong. 100 times stronger than I.
I want you to come around, Amanda.
I will be here.
Regardless, I want you to be happy. Even if that means with another person.
~Selah
You changed me.
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