Sunyata (Emptiness (& Enlightenment))

 By becoming empty, one becomes open to completeness.

"[T]he root of all suffering lies in the ignorance of clinging, the error of mistaking the relative for the absolute, the conditioned for the unconditioned. We take imagined separation as real, supposed division as given. By virtue of self- consciousness, we have an awareness of the unconditioned reflected in our conditioned nature, a sense of the real. But under ignorance we do not discriminate between the unconditioned and conditioned, causing us to confuse them and take the relative as absolute. "The error of misplaced absoluteness, the seizing of the determinate as itself ultimate, is the root-error."[116] Sunyata is the antithesis to this error, the antidote for suffering."  — Source

While I have been emotionally emptied due to recent situations, and feel completely hollow, yet completely open, inside, I also now sometimes feel as if I am so openly full of nothing that I am filled with the essence of Being. Although I am not without thought or have a blank, non-dwelling mind, by becoming empty I am now open and filled with the substance of the universe and reality, which is a necessary path to both salvation and enlightenment.

Illusion

 I am not completely empty or devoid of desire, for I still desire her with the essence of my being, but by so desiring I am a prisoner of suffering, which is emptying in itself (and for the fact that everything inside that I consciously and emotionally gave to her I no longer possess, like emptying a house of all furniture). What if the emptiness allows the soul and mind to become a pathway, an open channel to something greater, something more full, simply because it is no longer clogged—impeded—by feelings.

Surrender

Complete surrender and the annihilation of ego in recognition of the Self.

"From the standpoint of liberation, sunyata is the skilful means that disentangle oneself from defilement and unsatisfactoriness. The realisation of sunyata leads one to no attachment and clinging. It is the skilful means towards enlightenment and also the fruit of enlightenment." — Source

This is (a) key to transcendence.

One must unlearn in order to move forward. See "The Hanged Man"

Introspection 

"Absolute Subjectivity is not the ego subject, as in the dualism subject vs object. It is called Subject only because it hints that Reality lies in what now appears to be the direction that we call inward, subjective, towards the very centre of our being, a centre so deep and profound that it is God’s centre as well, we realize that it contains no dualisms at all, either that of subject vs object or inward vs outward. Here is the marriage of heaven and hell, and dualistic language fails us." — Source

"Who looks inside, awakens.” — Jung

Emptiness as pure consciousness without thought or desire and receptive to Spirit; freeing/emptying the mind from the concept of separateness and the externalizations of objects/people/things that are not-I. Free from desire, and by extension free from personal subjective mind and base human emotion of the ego, the unity of the wholeness is complete emptiness.  Pure consciousness.

Detachment

Enlightenment: being freed from the chains of human passion and desire, from base human emotion.  All emotion seeks to satisfy a personal, selfish desire. Unshackling oneself and emptying oneself of these things is being freed, enlightened. 

By not having complex emotions, one becomes childlike. Yes, children experience the simplest of emotions, but they are still emotionally empty, for the most part, and by freeing oneself of these burdens one continues on the path to salvation.  

"Unless you turn and become like children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven."

— Matthew 18:3

Become like children: unlearn. 

Pure, simple being: A smile while gazing at a sunset, a sunset that becomes you, within and without, signifying nothing but what it is at that Moment. Nothing more. Staring "God" in the face.

Walk into the fire with your eyes open.

"Happiness and suffering inter-are. You should not try to run away from suffering because you know that a deep understanding of suffering can bring about insight, compassion, and understanding. And that is the foundation of happiness." — Source

~Selah




**Further Reading

Wherever You Are, Enlightenment is There

Emptiness is Enlightenment
  

The Hanged Man

"Who looks outside, dreams. Who looks inside, awakens.” — Jung

"The Fool settles beneath a tree, intent on finding his spiritual self. There he stays for nine days, without eating, barely moving. People pass by him, animals, clouds, the wind, the rain, the stars, sun and moon. On the ninth day, with no conscious thought of why, he climbs the tree and dangles from a branch upside down like a child. For a moment, he surrenders all that he is, wants, knows or cares about. Coins fall from his pockets and as he gazes down on them - seeing them not as money but only as round bits of metal.

"It seems to him that his perspective of the world has completely changed, as if his inverted position has allowed him to dangle between the mundane world and the spiritual world, able to see both. It is a dazzling moment, dreamlike yet crystal clear.

"Timeless as this moment of clarity seems, he realizes that it will not last. Very soon, he must right himself, but when he does, things will be different. He will have to act on what he's learned. For now, however, he just hangs, weightless as if underwater, observing, absorbing, seeing." — Source

Meditation. Fasting. Denial of Self. Vulnerability. Surrender. Openness.

"The Hanged Man . . . is totally vulnerable to the world, and in his vulnerability he has found strength. The sacrifice he has made is his own freedom and power in the physical world; in exchange, he is granted real freedom and power on the spiritual plane. He gives up his old ways of looking at things and is blessed with new eyes.

"[T]he Hanged Man also urges you to look at things in a new and different way. If your mind is yelling at you to do something, then doing nothing could be the best thing to do. If something is important to you emotionally but it no longer serves a purpose, you might want to think about letting go of it. And don't try to force anything to happen while the Hanged Man is about. By trying to force changes, you ensure that they never happen. Relax and let things happen instead of trying to interfere. Instead of fighting against the current, let it take you wherever it is flowing.

"When the Hanged Man appears, know that greater wisdom and happiness is at hand, but only if you are prepared to sacrifice something for that wisdom. Sometimes it is something physical you must be deprived of, but in most cases it is a perspective or a viewpoint that must be left behind. For example, a fantasy that you can never fulfill, or a crush on someone who's out of your reach. Inevitably, sacrificing something you value will always lead you to something even more valuable. In the wake of an unattainable dream you will find something else within your reach. Forgetting about one love will allow your heart to open to someone else."

Source

“For everything you have missed, you have gained something else, and for everything you gain, you lose something else.” — Emerson

My curse is acting against intuition. Intuition tells me to do or not to do something; I do the opposite. I struggle, knowing what I should do, but I always find a way to justify my intuition as being wrong, and why I must act against my better judgement. My desire is too strong.

"Those who restrain desire, do so because theirs is weak enough to be restrained"

— William Blake

The will to act and to satisfy my impulses are too great, like trying to tame a wild beast let loose in my soul. In a sense, it is like an addiction, although there is no substance at hand except A) emotion and B) perhaps various neurotransmitters. There is a reason we do things: because they make us feel a certain way as we seek to pacify desire and to ease our present conditions and ailments. In so doing, we (or I) create an entirely different condition (or ailment) by the act simple of doing (against better judgement). Substituting one condition for another, when the end result is not as hoped or as expected.  An act that cannot be undone.

"Once done, so it IS."

My desire is too strong to restrain.

Although I have found enlightenment in the past, and have been content many times over, the temptations brought by love and desire have clouded my judgement and caused me to act—or not act—either which turns out to not be in my self interest. Or is that true? Remember, everything happens for a reason. We act, we don't act, and in the greater scheme, the larger plan, there is a reason. In the long run, then, everything falls in to place and everything works out in what was meant to be, so maybe all actions are, in essence, in our best interest simply because everything happens for a reason, regardless if we know the reason.

"What is meant to be, will happen in the right way, with the right person, at the right time."

—Unknown

The greater wisdom and happiness that I found, many years ago, that I still have deep within, must be rediscovered, uncovered, reclaimed, because it has become covered with dust, sitting in the attic of an ancient mansion covered in cobwebs. The great wholeness, the spiritual well of peace and Enlightenment that makes my soul burst with a beauty that is inexpressible and indefinable, can only be reclaimed by hanging upside down, inverted, looking within, and re-gaining a perspective that I have allowed to lie dormant and drowned by a rush of emotions like a burst dam racing through a narrow ravine. 

What is buried must be uncovered. 

What is sick must be cured.  

I must reclaim...myself.

~Selah

Rebound

I have come to believe that I was simply a rebound.

A rebound from a girl out of a 6 year relationship, the other with whom she was still living, looking to ease the pain of being broken up. I now believe that he broke up with her, but I don't know why. I explained things that happened in previous posts, and this why I think I was a rebound. When I invited her to the wrap party, and she said yes (I didn't know she had recently been broken up for less than a month), it was her way of escaping her own pain and problems. Something she had never done or experienced before, with someone new, to take her mind off of her situation. And she got to meet Jim Carrey. And we had a great time. I could see it in her eyes.

Even when we went to the Botanical gardens before Christmas to see the lights, she was radiant. She loved it. She loved being there, with me, and we had a great time.

After she left for Cincinnati for Christmas, and came back about 1.5 weeks later, we went to the Nutcracker ballet the same night she returned. She waited for me in the parking lot (we met there, as we had done every time we had gotten together), and we went together. At that time, she had a great time (I could see her face and eyes during the show filled with delight), but otherwise she was distant, aloof. Reserved. And that was the last time I ever saw her.

Her birthday was a couple of weeks later, and I told her the week before that I'd like to do something for her. She said that she was already going out with friends, but we could do something the next week. I called to ask the next week, but she didn't answer, and she didn't respond to my voicemail, or texts. This was about the time she started ignoring me.

I don't know what happened.

I believe he broke up with her. But why? Perhaps because:

I do, however, now see that she is emotionally immature. Well, I won't say emotionally immature, but immature in a way I can't pinpoint. After the way she played this game like a high schooler, it confirms immaturity. A 29 year old woman that acts like a high school girl when dealing with guys (or at least with me). If she can't just be honest, but has to resort to "Oh, I'm just gonna ignore him, maybe he'll go away" after two months of talking, is just immature, impolite, childish.  I admit, I'm inexperienced myself, but I am sincere. I am honest. I don't play games, but I don't always know what to properly do.

After she said she would still "love" to be friends (a way of trying to spare me disappointment?) on Valentine's Day (Friday), I texted her (the next Wednesday), said I'd like to talk, and asked if we could get together soon and talk. Today is Friday, and no response.

I now think she is immature and a liar. I don't know what happened, but I now think she has some serious issues. I think I was a rebound that she now has gotten tired of, and that's not cool.

On the other hand, I don't want to rebound anyone. I am hurt, angry, and I am doing anything I can to take my mind away, including neglecting myself. Not eating, little sleep, wine, pushing toward exhaustion, but then I see or meet someone who becomes a ray of hope. And I know that due to my state, I am vulnerable and that person is a crutch. Yes, I am looking to find someone to fill this void, someone to take my mind away (which makes me no different, now, than her, I guess). And even if that person is beautiful, and it turns out that person has a boyfriend, or is married, I am again crushed, as has happened already, more than once.

So delicate and crushed am I, and all because of her.

Amanda, why? Why is this happening?
Amanda, what? What happened?

And here I thought—hoped—you were different.  

After everything, why did you suddenly create this wall between us? Was it something I did, or is it you, your emotional indecision and immaturity? Was it simply a "Oh, that was nice for a while, next please," type of acquaintanceship?

Don't you see I'm sincere? I surrender myself. To you. I'm exposed.

There's nothing more or anyone else I see.

I've surrendered everything in Hope.